Uncertain Respite

Away for almost three weeks and as the days drag past, I wonder how much else can be done. The sweltering heat and the chilly work space unhinge me, like they did three years back. Written some, dreaming of other writing projects yet wondering where can these be done in solitude. The sun in my apartment bedroom is stark and is not much for early morning word crafting. The rooms must face the wrong direction! Malls where I retreat to in Manila seemed suddenly everywhere and this lessens their enticement for writing and thought. Numerous openings, an auction, a lecture and a round-table – somehow, these do not seem to compare to the hectic pace of Manila life. Perhaps because trains can be expected on time, one doesn’t have to wrangle with alertness at pedestrian crossings or worry about floods or rain. It suddenly occurred to me to ask whether I am actually complaining? Which perhaps is not exactly the right thing to do.

Maybe I miss the effortless conversations with acquaintances and friends back home, as these do not require extra effort to be attuned to cadence and gestures of talk. Domestic rituals assuage the restlessness as laundry and dishes pull me back to certainties of the day, reminding me that there are deadlines to look forward to and this slack ends in about six weeks after which I will be plunged into the relentless, almost sullen chaos of Manila. I figure the next few entries should be reviews but I have so gotten used to writing for scholarly papers it seems I cannot bring myself to write just in passing, without cross-references or interviews. Fleeting impressions work best with everyday snippets I guess.

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